In the vicinity of death experiences

So a news story caught my attention today because it mentioned a deadly occurrence on a desert highway in California. Such distant troubles usually don't muster my attention, but the mention of a specific location -- Antelope Valley -- caused a double take that had me hitting rewind on the DVR.

Sure enough, a sandstorm caused a series of accidents on a highway near Lancaster, Calif., killing two people and injuring scores. Different way to die, yes, but not why I was interested. Actually, I had driven that stretch of road just a few months ago.

I was on my way to Edwards Air Force Base to see a special airplane. I made the trip at least twice during my visit and marveled at the hot, dry Mojave as I cruised comfortably in my rental car. At that time, a fire raged on a far mountain that had been on the local news. It was known as the "white fire" because of it's smoke but it was the bastard fire even at the time because a series of wildfires in Palm Springs were getting national attention. I took a picture nonetheless, from the same highway where the crash today occurred, only I was not caught in a sandstorm that limited visibility to the point of zero.

There's a relevance in life that revolves around the experiential. I'm sure there's an actual psychological term for it -- I'm just not a pyschologist. But what I mean is the awareness we have of places we've been and things we've done. For example, when you buy a new car, you suddenly see a lot more cars like that on the road. It's not that they weren't there - but you didn't pay attention to them until you had experienced one. Same for places. If you read USA Today, you might notice the state-by-state index of brief stories, usually one from each state. I find myself only reading about the states I've lived in, and then if I'm traveling, the state I happen to be in.

So it's all relevant I suppose. My father, who drove trucks all around the lower 48 and parts of Canada, taught me a lesson about the relevance of matters in the news. When the national news was full of headlines about a major calamity in a far-away state, be it wildfires, flooding, blizzard, the reality of it was usually much more localized than the news coverage would have you believe. I might mention seeing that California was having outrageous wildfires and he'd describe how they were really fairly remote from most of the population and while it was destroying hundreds of thousands of acres, what the news failed to mention was that there wasn't much on those acres to speak of.

I later experienced some of that myself as I'd notice how reports of snowfall in Texas would get overblown on the national news or a flood in one area might make life difficult for part of a city, but the rest of town carried on like nothing ever happened.

So when I heard about the California accident, I thought, wow, that's kinda weird. I've been on that highway, in that location, and can only imagine how it must have been to not be able to see in front of you.

But even weirder, a story about today's event mentioned another crash just a few weeks ago where a major pileup occurred in a tunnel. This story mentioned how the previous crash was southwest of where this one occurred and wasn't that far.

I remembered hearing and seeing that story, which was about a tunnel specifically for truck traffic had a major pileup that claimed several lives. I had heard it was on the major artery between LA and San Francisco and then thought that must have been north of where I'd been. Or so I thought.

Today's story made me go back and look. The other accident actually occurred near an intersection of highways that was on my route back to the airport in Burbank. Spooky got spookier.

Made me stop for a minute and think how privileged we are to wander this Earth haphazardly at times and escape unharmed. We take that for granted so often.

My best friend had a near-death experience last year. I remember his attitude shortly after that - it was almost a carpe diem. He decided to go out and buy the truck he'd been wanting because, well, he never knew what might happen to him tomorrow. Reminded me further of a sermon I heard in high school from my favorite pastor who explained that the Epicurian motto of "Eat, Drink and Be Merry" was rooted in the Bible verse that also ended with "For Tomorrow You Shall Die."

I, too, bought a truck recently. But it didn't have anything to do with these accidents, my trip to California, or any other sense of doom. I did think of my friend when I finally succombed to the new car fever that had lingered for months. But perhaps I just had my experiences out of order. Not quite a near-death experience. More a vicinity-of-death experience.

Lately, I've had some very challenging things make life tough. But I've had just as many very precious experiences with my children in between the stresses of life. That's what it's about I suppose. To bury those little things that happen in the course of a day within my memory will someday return in a flash of relevance.

That, I conclude, is what this is really all about: the little inconsequential joys of life that, when you die, will have made it all worth it.

The Boy in the Bubble Had it Made

I ran across this on the Internet. He puts into words many of my own thoughts about parenting that I wanted to share.



Bursting the cocoon

Despite our most basic parental instincts, we can't shelter children forever, says E. KYLE STEINHAUSER


12:00 AM CDT on Friday, June 22, 2007

The flat-screen television hanging on the wall illuminated the small room. The room was dark, save the faint black-and-white images. I held my wife's hand in mine and gripped my 3-year-old daughter as she sat on my lap. Staring back from the television at us was the newest member of our family – a boy or girl set to arrive in less than three months.

As I sat in the doctor's office contemplating the 3D image of my unborn child, my thoughts turned to Joseph Bosch. Twenty-two years ago he and his wife, Lynn, must have been excited anticipating the birth of their daughter, Meaghan. I thought of Greg Smith, who 19 years ago with his wife, Missey, welcomed the news they were expecting a baby girl, Kelsey.

Nothing prepares you for the amazement of making "eye contact" with your child in the womb. The bliss of the present was balanced by the terror of the future. As I stared at my unborn baby, I kept thinking of the photos of Meaghan Bosch and Kelsey Smith that seemed omnipresent in the newspaper and on the Internet. Who could imagine the ultimate fates of Meaghan and of Kelsey when those innocent, candid photographs were taken?

Meaghan, an SMU student whose life lacked no material need or want, was found dead in Waco after a drug overdose. Kelsey was taken from an Overland Park, Kan., Target and found dead several days later in a nearby suburb. The morose endings to these young lives illustrate the way parents suffer not only their own risks in life, but also the risks that confront their children.

On occasion I find myself virtually paralyzed with fear that one of my children, despite all of my provisions or precautions, will find the wrong path or become the victim on a heinous crime. Add to that the myriad lives taken too early by disease or automobile accident, and parenthood seems almost unbearable.

My genetic code is stitched with a legacy of high-strung worrywarts. I do my best to remember that at the end of the day there is nothing really we can do but strive to be great parents and to trust our children to be responsible and to be careful. Children grow into adults and must populate an adult world, which is full of poor decisions and terrible twists of fate. No amount of material prosperity or parental supervision can provide an impermeable cocoon.

I am no expert, but I have learned a few things watching others rear their children. First, give your children your time and then your money. How hackneyed, but how ignored. Life gets its meaning from relationships – with God and with one another – not from riches. Too many parents still define success based on loot, not on love. Cherish each moment with your child as if it is your last.

Second, gently loosen the reins. Overprotective parents can damage children almost as much as uncaring ones. In college, the wildest kids were those with the strictest parents. My fears aside, I must let my daughter go on a date – and possibly to prom. We live in a fallen world, and as such terrible things happen to us and our loved ones, no matter how hard we fight.

Finally, parents are not friends. As tempting – and pointless – as it may be to be the "cool" parent, kids have plenty of friends, but only two parents. They need parents. Sometimes that means being "uncool," like telling a teenage daughter that her bikini is too itsy-bitsy or her skirt is too short. Teenagers must be reminded that they have fewer "rights" than they imagine.

I can only image the pain felt by Mr. Bosch and Mr. Smith last Sunday on Father's Day. Nothing in the world prepares one for losing a child. Nothing prepares a father for losing his little girl.

My wife recently convinced me that between work and school, I spend too little time with my little girl. No longer. I want to enjoy every second holding her before she is too big or I am too uncool – because she always will be my little girl.


E. Kyle Steinhauser of Frisco is a technology marketing manager at a publishing company and a Voices of Collin County volunteer columnist. His e-mail address is ekyles@gmail.com.

Late additions on good news, too

Bruce Robison released an EP titled "It Came From San Antonio"

"Somewhere..." readers know that Bruce is atop the heap of my CD player these past several years and so the emergence of new work is always reason for cheer.

This one didn't disappoint, other than it's EP status, which of course means it is only about 2/3 to half of a regular album in length. Observations on this new work, song by song:

"It Came from San Antonio" -- a groovy little tune intended to harken the psuedo-British invasion (think The Monkees). While it has a catchy hook and is a little change of pace for Bruce, I wouldn't have made it the title track. I'm not keen on the organ or the ambient juke joint sound. It's an odd take on an odder niche and the "everyone join in on the chorus" feel doesn't suit Bruce's vocals. But it's certainly a decent song and worth the listen. Just not my top choice.

"When It Rains" -- my favorite song on the EP lyrically. Nice wanderlust song with great tinge of heartbreak. Love the simplicity of the arrangement, acoustic intro and wonderful strings, especially as they first come in on the song. Bruce has a way of storytelling when he's really on that makes me want to sing along. Great example of why I call Bruce the Master of Melancholy.

"Lifeline" -- what "When It Rains" does lyrically, "Lifeline" does musically. Probably the best overall song on the album and just fantastic hook. The kind that you find yourself humming or singing to yourself later in the day. Some nice Dobro work, I believe on this one.

"My Baby Now" -- another change of pace for Bruce in some regards; this seems a song that some piano-playing crooner will be singing soon. Not a bad song, but the pace and wistfulness slow the disc down. I see this being sung by Keith Urban to a sold our arena, not exactly Bruce.

"Anywhere But Here" -- picks pace up a little bit, especially right after "My Baby" but this one isn't an immediate grabber like some of his similar songs from previous works ("Tonight" from "Country Sunshine" for example). Bruce does everything well - this just doesn't stand out as significantly different nor does it have a major hook. Interesting that the last 2 minutes of this 5 minute song are all instrumental resulting in a musical fade that has nice musicianship, but drag on a little.

"What Makes You Say" -- Nice harmony on a song about marital dischord. Just a slow pace that makes it difficult to stay with it, at least when doing something like driving. Acoustic guitar and fiddle keep this one on the good list, too. The deliberate pacing on this requires a specific atmosphere for listening.

"23A" -- Interesting song about a song by a great songwriter. Nice feel, but not a pop-song. This is another one that doesn't fit a particular niche and that seems to be what Bruce, and at least this EP, are up to these days. It's a nice song.

CONCLUSION: Having had many weeks to listen over and over, my conclusion is that this is an EP because it's a collection of bits and pieces he had laying around the studio. It's not my favorite CD of his, but like so much of his work, particular songs grow on me and may someday be in heavy rotation on my future second iPod. It's certainly worth the price even if one only listens to their 2 or 3 or 4 favorites. Looking forward to hearing several of these live in August.

Catch up time

Some assorted comments about recent and not-as-recent events:

Last episode of Sopranos. Went out fairly tame for such a usually edgy show. Tony found the Americana that he was always chasing. And Paulie, my favorite character, got spooked by a cat. I loved that little touch, probably because I don't like cats any more than he does.

World's full of assholes, part 1: Some asshole stole my iPod out of my car. And to answer the question that apparently everyone who hears that news asks, no, the car wasn't locked. But it was in my driveway, on my property. Props to my new second-house down the street neighbor who noted aptly, as I usually do when I'm answering that question, that having a locked car would probably mean I'd be paying for a window or lock, too. As Paulie Walnuts would say on the Sopranos about the iPod thief...cocksucka!

World's full of assholes, part 2: So it wasn't enough they stole my iPod and who knows what else from others, we had more crime in my neighborhood. At least 1/3 or more of the 125 homes in my subdivision have small stone statues on top of their mailboxes. Our mailboxes are mostly large brick structures that envelope the mailbox and there's an unspoken tradition of people putting animal statues on top of their mailboxes. We had a lion to represent my college alma mater and my wife's high school. So a week after the iPod incident, my wife notices one morning that someone swiped all but one or two of these things from the entire neighborhood. Now I make midnight checks with the lights off of what's happening on our street. Let me catch some prick stealing from my home.

That's enough cheer for one post. Maybe next time, there will be happier thoughts.

Lest we forget

It's been a long time since something has hacked me off to the point that I felt compelled to blog about it. That time has arrived.

First, the story:

Soldier: Honor troops like Va. Tech dead
By ALISA TANG
Associated Press Writer
Mon Apr 23

KABUL, Afghanistan - An Army sergeant complained in a rare opinion article that the U.S. flag flew at half-staff last week at the largest U.S. base in Afghanistan for those killed at Virginia Tech but the same honor is not given to fallen U.S. troops here and in Iraq.

In the article issued Monday by the public affairs office at Bagram military base north of Kabul, Sgt. Jim Wilt lamented that his comrades' deaths have become a mere blip on the TV screen, lacking the "shock factor" to be honored by the Stars and Stripes as the deaths at Virginia Tech were.

"I find it ironic that the flags were flown at half-staff for the young men and women who were killed at VT, yet it is never lowered for the death of a U.S. service member," Wilt wrote.

He noted that Bagram obeyed President Bush's order last week that all U.S. flags at federal locations be flown at half-staff through April 22 to honor 32 people killed at Virginia Tech by a 23-year-old student gunman who then killed himself.

"I think it is sad that we do not raise the bases' flag to half-staff when a member of our own task force dies," Wilt said.

According to the Defense Department, 315 U.S. service members have died in and around Afghanistan since the U.S.-led offensive that toppled the Taliban regime in late 2001, 198 of them in combat.

NATO's International Security Assistance Force said that the flags of all its troop-contributing nations are flown at half-staff for about 72 hours after the service member's death "as a mark of respect when there is an ISAF fatality."

Sgt. 1st Class Dean Welch, who works with Wilt at the U.S.-led coalition public affairs office, said the essay is a "soldier's commentary, not the view of the coalition and not the view of the U.S. forces."

Welch added that such outspoken opinion pieces are rare.

Wilt suggested that flags should fly at half-staff on the base where the fallen service member was working and in the states where they hail from. He said some states do this, but not all of them.

He wrote that the death of a U.S. service member is just as violent as those at the university last week, but it lacks the "shock factor of the Virginia massacre."

"It is a daily occurrence these days to see X number of U.S. troops killed in Iraq or Afghanistan scrolling across the ticker at the bottom of the TV screen. People have come to expect casualty counts in the nightly news; they don't expect to see 32 students killed," he wrote.

"If the flags on our (operating bases) were lowered for just one day after the death of a service member, it would show the people who knew the person that society cared, the American people care."

This has nothing to do with your view of the war as just or unjust. This soldier simply doesn't know his civics from a Japanese car.

The United States DOES honor its war dead by lowering the flags for its fallen soldiers. That's what MEMORIAL DAY is all about. That is an annual holiday specifically intended for that purpose. Otherwise, during war times like now, we'd never see the flag at full-staff. Some may argue for that, but that's a whole other argument than claiming we don't honor our fallen. Imagine turning it around and having someone suggest that this year on Memorial Day, we include a special minute at every ceremony to remember the VTech victims. No, I don't think so.

I had this very conversation at work last week when our employer sent out an email that this was happening to honor the Virginia Tech victims. Someone made the same observation about not honoring our war dead and grumbled that it seemed wrong.

What's wrong is our reactive and uneducated masses crying "foul" when they don't even realize we DO lower our flags for our war dead - just on a specific weekend every year. There are ceremonies all over the nation. These remember those killed in all our battles, even the ones that aren't as divisive as this one.

Serendipity happens

Sometimes things just happen. Or maybe God intervenes in the universe to finally give you a little dewdrop of joy to help you remember why it is you want to be good and go to heaven. Whatever the cause - the result is good.

In my case, it happened months ago. (So I'm a little lax on the blogging. Sue me.) As avid readers might know (both of you), I am a fan of "This American Life," a public radio show out of WBEZ in Chicago that is just under an hour-long radio program featuring an amalgam of radio feature stories that usually have a common theme. I like it so much I shill for it on my links section on the right side of this blog - the link reads "Now hear this." Check it out.

I discovered TAL when I had XM radio. It played every day, often re-runs from the show's deep catalog that goes back to 1995. I went looking for it on the internet once I got an iPod wondering how I might get my hands on old episodes without having to catch them every day at 5 p.m. on XM because it never failed I got in late. Turned out that TAL had a deal with an online book-content broker-type company called audible.com where all its online content was located for purchase. While it was bad enough Audible.com wanted me to subscribe to download TAL in mp3 format, the worse part was I could not figure out the basics of Audible.com's pricing or delivery method.

So I said screw it, I'll have to settle for streaming their old shows from the TAL website directly, which I couldn't capture because I'm, well, usually honest and even more lazy than I am honest to use some kind of software to capture what was designed not to be captured.

Then, one day, the day I describe in my first paragraph above, I went to check on the TAL website just to see what might be posted recently. And then I found an interesting link. It reads "New podcast" and I do a double-take. Did I just read that correctly? What do they mean 'free?'

Sure enough - free podcast. They worked out a deal with Audible.com, I'd learn, to give that week's episode away free in podcast form (excuse the non-sequiter: Milhouse: "It's Alf, but in POG form!!!") Then, they archive to Audible.com and can be bought there or via iTunes for 95 cents.

That was a woo-hoo moment. But more odd, was that I happened upon this on the very first day they were available. I had not been to this site in months, and the day I drop by to browse, they're offering the podcast for free.

Fast forward to today - when I'm listening to this week's podcast in my car. There's a nice story about a man who tried to invent a time machine so he could go back and warn his dead father not to smoke so many cigarettes and take better care of himself so that he wouldn't die young. The man became a highly placed scientist and the story's poignancy came from an Einstein contemporary telling this man that his father would be proud of him for what he had done throughout his life to try to develop a time machine. It was a touching story.

And while I tend to reference my own deceased father on this blog rather frequently, that's not why the story spurred me to finally get to peckin' away on the keyboard tonight. Instead, it was my admiration of the story that really gave me some clarity on my own existence.

What is it that I really want to be and do in my seemingly fleeting life? I was trained as a journalist and abandoned the purity and filth of that life for the pay and filth of a corporate job. Did I sell out? Did I give up my dream? Have I accomplished anything?

That show, and the thoughts it provoked, suggest that I did not sell out. I did not give up my dream. Do I have days when I wish I was out chasing stories as the Texas Country Reporter, a freelance feature writer, or even a This American Life reporter? Sure. But I am content in the fact that I know that I have done something meaningful in my professional life.

One of my greatest works of writing was a newspaper column about a personal friend who died. It won me a national award among all newspapers owned by that publishing company. I later won awards on the corporate side for developing and implementing communications campaigns to motivate employees to meet or exceed particular goals. I did my own self-assessment today about the last year and after intially wondering how I'd justify a middle-of-the-road rating, realized that I had exceeded several of my goals more than I had initially thought. Honestly, I hadn't even looked at my goals since last spring and was worried I'd been so off track that even though I busted my ass all year, I wouldn't be able to show any accomplishment in the areas where I was measured. But, it turned out, I wasn't too far off the path.

So, if as they say, even a blind hog finds an acorn once in a while, I'm thankful for the serendipity.

Important Announcement

It has been determined that nothing rhymes with "orange."

A blog epiphany

I have reached a point of understanding in my bloggedness.

Defining blog, aside from the literal denotation of "abbreviation of 'web log,'" tends to meander in several directions. In this little endeavor of my own, I've wondered in type about the forms of blogging and what "it" is.

Here's my take: it's a personal web page.

Please pause here so the shrill cacophony of disagreement can envelope the earth as bloggers everywhere take up keyboard and web connection to counter my assertion.

Now allow me to explain how I got here.

In my professional life, I've attended professional association meetings on the topic of blogging. Corporate blogs are usually at the center of the discussion. And, like anything in this world, a virtual cottage industry has formed to jump all over the trend. There are companies willing to monitor your blog, host your blog, count the hits on your blog, pay you to advertise on your blog, and even promote or defend your blog when things get really interesting.

But the idea that finally struck me, and this is the epiphany my title describes, is that the true essence of blogging is simply the ability of an individual to easily post information and especially opinion, on the Internet. Corporate 'blogs' really aren't blogs. They are just more corporate web pages masquerading as blogs.

See, that's what makes blogs different. Read the ideas of Thomas Friedman in his much acclaimed book "The World Is Flat" and see what seeded some of this epiphany. He suggests that the ability of individuals to freely express ideas and connect has been one of the catalysts in flattening the world and ushering in a new era of life as we know it.

Used to be, if you wanted to have a web page, you at least had to know HTML and get some web space rented. In the last couple years, all that has gotten easier and cheaper. Anyone can create a blog now using free software and free storage space. All you gotta have is a connection and a way to type and click buttons. Once created, you can even post via cell phone.

And when you study what the hardcore bloggers, those who live and breathe this stuff, seem to defend about blogging, is the purely personal nature of it. Sure, it may be some a-hole from Jerkoria complaining about how he just got ripped off at some retail giant's store, but that's a personal experience and perspective on the world.

When you've got some executive from Boeing posting a 'blog' that in at least some way is promoting the Boeing brand, then he's not blogging - he's marketing.

Understand there are plenty of blogs out there that are trying to sell, promote something, etc., but I'd argue they're really just individuals or organizations taking advantage of the free-ness of blogging. If they weren't so cheap-assed, they'd actually buy space and pay someone to make a page to promote their agenda.

Blogging is interesting because it gives a personal perspective, even if it is uninteresting, uninformed or unbelievably stupid.

Blogs that purport to being a news organization, political organization, or sales front are just those things - not blogs.

So that's my take anyway. There's a whole other discussion beyond this about what that means, a la Friedman's assertions and the effect of blogging on journalism. I've written elsewhere on a variation of that topic before and because I don't feel like making the effort tonight, I'll simply preview it with a synopsis: Ride-along journalism lacks the editorial process.

More on this later.

You Can't Get There From Here

I spent my birthday working at a special event for my job. Big celebration - for other people. But I then jetted off to NYC for a separate work event that would put me near my favorite hockey team (the New Jersey Devils) as they began the NHL playoffs.

I watched for more than a week as the playoff picture took until the final game of the season to finally take form and know what the actual game schedule would be for Round 1 of the playoffs. Good news - New Jersey won its division after winning like 10-straight games to end the season; bad news - they were playing the New York Rangers in the first round of the playoffs. While I hate the Rangers like any Devils fan should, I was more concerned that getting game tickets would be more difficult than if they played, say, Edmonton.

My trip to NYC would be only three days and my free nights would be even fewer. So I waited anxiously for the playoff schedule to be published. Then I found out that the only game while I was in town would be on a night when I was scheduled to work. Bummer. Even more of a bummer when I learned, two hours before the game, that the night event had been canceled and I was free to do what I wanted.

Except that I had not bought tickets, planned transportation from Manhattan to NJ, and hadn't brought appropriate game attire. I ended up watching from my hotel room as one of the Devils scored a hat trick and beat the Rangers.

I celebrated my birthday the next weekend by making a trip to Austin with the sole purpose of seeing Bruce Robison perform. We made it. And thanks to the hospitality of someone in the Robison organization, the show was very special for us. (see previous blog entry).

We arrived early and claimed some of the best seats in the house. Drank lots of Shiner Bock beer and bought our obligatory T-shirts. I even got to say hi to the singer-songwriter (aka author of Angry All the Time, Travelin Soldier and Desperately) and tell him how much I enjoyed a particular song.

As we drove home that next day, I listened to a song that Bruce wrote called "You Can't Get There From Here" and thought how funny that, in my worklife, I couldn't even find joy in the big city when it was right under my nose. Yet, come home to Texas and have a fantastic, laid back weekend full of relaxation and Bruce Robison. It was a great concert. He didn't play my favorite song, but he did consider it.

As Bruce wrote, "Of all the things that I can't touch, I've wanted them so much; why's it always got to be so hard?"

My sentiments exactly.

Overpromising and under-delivering

Customer relationship marketing is a complex term for a simple idea: take care of your customers and they'll come back.

So you can imagine the level of piss-tivity for me when something that should have been oh-so-right turned oh-so-bad this week.

Attentive "Somewhere Between..." readers will know how excited I was for the new Bruce Robison CD to be released this week. Like many music fans, I went to the artists website for details and found a glamorous offer to "Pre-order" the CD. Not only that, but I'd also get a free Mp3 from the new album that could be downloaded immediately. Well, hell, who couldn't pass that up?

So I quickly tap out my credit card info into the online form and hit the send before there's a chance for the site to say, "Sorry, sold out."

The first omen came when the Mp3 download didn't work. Sigh. I submitted an email to the website to see why I got an error when I tried to download the song. I also was wondering if the term "pre-ordered" meant they would send immediately, or time it to arrive on the national release date, which for music is usually on a Tuesday.

I got an email back that AllAccessToday, the company that apparently administers the web commerce sales for Bruce Robison, was working the problem and I should be able to download the song very soon. And, by the way, pre-ordered means they'll ship it as soon as they get it which should be maybe a few days early, but I should receive no later than the day of release.

Fair enough, I figured.

Yeah.... until release day came and went with no CD arriving in my mailbox. I emailed the good folk who had previously emailed me. I had never bothered to email them again after the Mp3 wouldn't download on several attempts. Wrote that off as a casualty of hype and cruddy web development. The answer I got back was interesting.

"I am sorry you are dissatisfied. I would be happy to issue you a refund for your purchase."

Well, that would make a big difference, I replied, noting I had finally received the CD the day AFTER national release and looked forward to hearing the album. It was post-marked on the day of release so they couldn't use the excuse that the mail held it up. I asked what I'd need to do to get such a refund back - perhaps send the CD back - figuring they would probably just say "No, keep it. We just want you to be satisfied."

Ha. Here's their actual response: "If the cd has been opened, we cannot accept the return, nor issue a refund. If it is unopened, feel free to send it back to us for a refund."

What a bunch of, well, marketing dorks. They thought I would not open the CD and wait for them to email me (the back-and-forth was taking a day each way as I sent an email at night, they'd open and reply the next day, etc.) What kind of music fan who orders a brand new release would not open the CD as soon as they get it to hear how it sounded? Further, what was I going to do - pirate the CD. When they already had my name and number?

Here's the crux of my beef, and something I quickly listed for the company in a response email that for some reason hasn't been answered. I paid a premium price for the album to: 1) get it a day later than I could have going to the local record store, 2) pay additional shipping cost on top of that, and 3) not get the free MP3 download offered as an added lure.

Then when I voice dissatisfaction, they give me the Wal-Martian excuse that they can't accept an opened CD. Umm, they are an agent for the artist directly. They could easily repackage it - but even if they couldn't because of some legal industry red tape - it would be cheaper to eat the cost of one CD vs. what it's going to cost them in a damaged relationship between their client, Bruce Robison, and one of his fans, a person willing to spend disposable income on the man's music and merchandise and who is passionate about it that he tends to tell people about his experiences.

So if Bruce Robison, his PR agency, label or even AllAccessToday use any of the available blog monitoring services to look for references to his new album "Eleven Stories" - please know you're not being represented well by AllAccessToday. (They even misspelled the title of one of the songs on his website where the songs scroll when snippets play on the site.)

Customer relationship management means developing a perceived personalized brand experience with the consumer. Underpromise and overdeliver. AllAccessToday had the opportunity to make up for their own miscues... and blew it.

RIP Buck

Just saw the news that Buck Owens died today. He was 76. One of my early musical influences - having co-hosted Hee Haw. That show was a Sunday evening staple in my house growing up in the '70s.

We lose yet another great.

What you think when you're standing in a place where life and death happens in Technicolor

Yesterday, I got a tour of a local hospital's catheterization lab where they save people's lives by performing heart procedures such as balloons in an artery, insertion of a stent, installing pacemakers and defibrillators. They call it a cath lab. It was especially difficult for me because my dad died suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 50. He didn't make it to the hospital.

I've written about it before and will certainly write about it again. It affected my way-of-thinking more than almost anything in my life to date. The only others that compare are the births of my children and my marriage, though each of those tend to have more affect as time passes. With my dad's death, the affect was sudden and remains constant where the others continue to grow.

I do rue upon it more than I probably should. But it does give me some perspective. My world changed that day. There's plenty written and said about not becoming a prisoner of your past and similar notions. All of that is true. I can sit around and mope anytime. But that don't get me anywhere.

But I do try to gain energy from it ... OK, not the death itself, but from the spirit of my father. I find that comforting in many ways. When my son acknowledges his existance, having never known him, it's comforting. When I do something I know he would be proud of, it's rewarding. When I do something and despair for help, I think about what my father might have done in a similar situation.

I feel perverse in some ways for feeling lucky that my dad died at 50. I'll always remember my father as he was at 50 -- strong, wise, stoic, and funny. I'll not be tortured by nursing homes, ICU visits, and progressive loss of his memory and senses.

But I rationalize it with the fact that I traded that pain for a different one -- the pain from not having more time, not seeing my son with his grampa, not hearing more stories about his youth, not having him tell me he is proud of what I've accomplished with my life, not having his opinion of my next career move.

It truly is a tradeoff. So when I start to feel bad about feeling lucky he was gone so suddenly, I let it go. I get my share of sad at other times -- when people celebrate life milestones past 50, when my kids do something I'm proud of, when I need someone's ear to hear my woes, and especially, when I visit hospital cath labs.

What this world needs is....

more:

• Time for families
• Neighbors who know each other well enough to help one another
• Companies that invest in their people
• Kids who can read well
• Companies that actually underpromise and overdeliver
• Shoes that fit just right
• People compelled to give something to their community beyond taxes
• Tolerance for diverse opinion
• Chimpanzees (the funniest of the monkey species)
• Affordable technology
• Justice
• Simpsons episodes

and fewer:

• Hypocrites
• Capitalists
• Selfish bastards
• Suffering innocents
• Excuses
• Religionists
• Unsolicited emails
• Sham TV stations that are fronts for some ministry
• New flavors of Coca Cola
• School fundraisers where the school gets pennies on the dollar
• Fire ants
• Scams.

Memory test

OK. More riches from the Next Blog> button.... Honest attribution goes to a guy named Lenin who runs the blog where I found this (http://new-perception.blogspot.com/). This reads like it was a chain-like email that gets forwarded all over. Maybe it is. The message still resonates.

The people who make a difference in your life
You don't actually have to take the quiz. Just read this straight through and you'll get the point. It is trying to make a nice point.

Here's the quiz:
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for bestactor/actresses.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?
The facts are, none of us remember the headliners ofyesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best intheir fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements areforgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier? The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care, that love and that affect you intheir own subtle way.

Defining poignant

I ask my son what he wants to be when he grows up. He casually tells me he wants to be a "movie maker." A discussion ensues as to why. It's a nice discussion. Then, without asking, he tells me about a question his after-school 'teacher' asked the class that day.

She asked, "If you could wish for anything to happen, what would it be?"

"And what did you say?" I asked him.

"For my grampa to still be alive."

My dad died at the age of 50, three years before my son was born. He's only heard stories and seen pictures of him. So to hear -- with me nowhere around and absolutely no prompting -- that his one wish would be to meet his grampa, it tore me up inside. But through that sorrow, a tinge of happiness struck that I had been successful - I've kept his memory alive.

That's something I need on days, and in months, like these. Thank God for children.

The World's About to Change

OK, I bought an Apple. Well, just an iPod. But it's Apple.

I actually started my career an Apple man. There's a weird dichotomy of people who use modern computers: PC people and Apple people, and seldome the twain dothey meet. When I originally started using computers in college, and eventually in the workplace, the machines available to me were Apples, er, Macs, though technically Mac was really only a product but that's a whole other blog.

It was when I went to buy my first personal computer (OK, second, though the Commodore 64 didn't function too well by the mid-'90s) that I switched parties. I went with a PC.

It went against all I had been taught up to that point. The simpleness of the one-button mouse. The intuitive nature of the Mac operating system (which Gates and company emulated in a little product called Windows to eventually take over the world). I was a heretic among my Mac addict co-workers.

But I, for once in my life, was not on the path less traveled. That path, while always a nice way to express your disdain for establishment, peer pressure, the Joneses or whatever pushes you to choose something 'different,' always tends to be a pain in the ass. Say you buy the unique, non-standard car. You end up paying more for parts and labor because few people carry that brand or model. Same with so many products in life. I was at a point where I didn't want my choices for software and compatibility on the Internet (it was burgeoning in American households at the time) to be limited to what I might find in the back of some Mac fan magazine. The local electronics and software stores sold all things PC and usually only reserved one shelf for Mac products... not unlike the shelf of guessing-game prize toys Steve Martin gave away during his stint in the carnival in the movie "The Jerk."

So I bought a PC and never looked back. My jobs eventually migrated to using PCs and the transition was smooth, especially as Windows contineud to steal (I mean imitate) more and more features from Mac OS. Hell, the Two-button mouse really has some cool uses.

But I finally went back over to the good side and bought me an iPod. Big, black 60GB, video-capable beast. I'm expecting the world to change. My wife thinks it a waste of money for a 'radio' as she puts it, when most of my spare time is already spent on the computer and I can play music on it. I keep throwing up those examples of doctors appointments and anywhere else I have to wait around as reasons I needed this made-in-China hole in the head.

No, I didn't really need it. I *wanted* it.

It was supposed to be a Father's Day present last year. But we didn't have the money. So when the taxman came this year, I asked if I could plus-up my gift from last year and the wife agreed. Now she's having second thoughts - after I unwrapped it and started downloading my music onto it. Too late, though, because they won't take engraved iPods back. Ha.

Now all I have to do is convince her how cool it is and make her want one. Then... maybe she'll lay off. If not, I'll just put the ear buds in and nod politely. He he.

The happy list

The topic lately has been happiness. So let's continue to run that into the ground.

I remembered a fun little exercise I used to do with some co-workers on a non-regular basis: We'd create happy lists.

The happy list was an enumerated list of things we had reason to be happy about at that particular time. One person would start by writing their list, and then email it to the other two who participated. We'd all review each list together when finished to decipher the not-so-obvious entries to one another.

Hokie? Oh yes. Contrived? Maybe. But it sure helped to redirect our thoughts from those of being malconteded corporate gears to realizing there sure was a lot to be happy about in our lives. It was also a good way to cultivate good friendships, too. I wouldn't doubt if ignudo still had some or all of those archived somewhere. He's like that.

But for old time's sake (and the need to be positive for a change), here goes...the explanations are added for blog readers who otherwise won't get the opportunity to interrogate me later abour specific entries:

1. My family - the kids and the queen all are great wonders in my life.
2. My friends - Both of them. lol. No, really, my friends as diverse and geographically spread out as they are, all add something to who I am. And that's a good thing.
3. Eleven Stories - Bruce Robison's new album comes out first week of April. Sneak preview on his record label's website. Go to Artists and select Bruce Robison.
4. Tax refund - thank God, we don't have to pay again AND we should be able to buy some sorely needed items and a fun one or two
5. iPod - last year's Father's Day gift about to come to fruition (Thanks IRS! - ref. no. 4)
6. "Far Exceeds Expectations" - my annual performance review was rated highest level possible
7. Next Blog>> I frequently hit the Next Blog button to find out what's happening with other random individuals around the world. Often it's a bust. Sometimes, it's a lucky find. Reference this 'found' blog that turned into one I check frequently
8. Karma - "My Name is Earl" is a fantastic show that combines the spirit of my favorite movie of all time with the grand notion of karma.
9. Nostromo n52 GamePad - the coolest second-choice I could have ever gotten for a Christmas present. I had wanted a keyboard-based product, but my best friend got one and I didn't want to be the bandwagon boy. So I found a review that mentioned the n52, and decided to try it. I love it.
10. Sight words - my son is learning to read and brings home from school a set of 8 words to read each night. He was doing well with each set to I asked the teacher to start sending two sets a night, and so far, we're keeping up. Hooray! My son may not end up illiterate. Half my work will be done by the time he's 8.

I now return you to you regularly scheduled Internet surfing.

Blame Jessica for this one. She had a link to this on her blog. It amused me. I'm really excited it determined my life story would be similar to a Coen Brothers movie. I can die now.

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic

Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few. But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky. Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Is happiness all it's cracked up to be?

The subject of happiness continues to vex me lately. As previously reported, I've got two friends amidst major life changes, one moving to LA for a new life and new job and the other potentially headed to Bermuda for same.

I've had some truly happy moments lately and they're nothing like I'd thought they would be. The most striking was so ordinary. There was an evening when my son started taking karate lessons. He's had trouble at school staying focused: think Chatty Cathy as a 6-year-old kindergarten boy and that would be my son. So when he went to his first official lesson of karate and was focused intently on what the instructor was saying, followed directions and didn't let the kids around him distract his attention, I was blown away. We went home and even had an unusually nice family dinner. The conversation was pleasant, if uneventful, and I remember a distinct moment when my toddler daughter did something funny and everyone laughed. It was like a scene from a friggin' Norman Rockwell.

Driving has always been a release for me - a chance to listen to music and escape, to a limited extent, that which bogs me down in the swamp of life. With a father who drove cross country for a living, there's a certain amount of wanderlust in me. Oddly, though, it's almost always something I've experienced by myself as an adult. When the family is along, it's point A to point B. Anything more is considered lost. And the music, well, let's just say it's not as good.

During a recent 2.5-hour drive for work, I had some opportunity to think. So the topic of happiness floated back to the top of my mind, like a turd that just won't flush. I continued think about my own idea that progress is good, but happiness is best.

Perhaps that's the obvious here ... of course happiness is better than some predecided, or even suddenly identified, milestone. It's the trip stupid, some would say with indignance, or at least a heavy dose of "duh" in their tone.

Beyond that, I have no further revelations. Just some thoughts I've had and this is a place where I can document some of them. Perhaps some day they will give me more clarity. Some day they may be useful. Some day, just knowing I documented some things could actually make me happy. Imagine that.

Concert listing

Gonna use this as a space to capture the concerts attended by me. Since I can edit this, will allow me the means to update the list as I remember those fuzzy moments. It should get visually better as time goes by and I have time to pretty it up. Those in the know are welcome to add comments or clarification for my bad memory.


Brazil - local Texas band (attended with Marcus Boney - RIP)
Steppenwolf and The Guess Who (Attended with MB)
.38 Special (Saw at Dallas Alley free concert)
Steppenwolf (Saw again at Dallas Alley free concert)
Kingdom Come, Dokken, Scorpions, Metallica, Van Halen (went on a package deal - bus and tix from Tyler to the Dallas Cotton Bowl with Militant, Hagar's voice crapped out and they promised free show, made up several years later in Dallas Alley as a free for all event, i didn't go)
Warrant and Motley Crue (second time's the charm, with Militant, Reunion Arena, Kick Start My Heart was recorded live at that show for Decade of Decadance album)
Pantera (at the After Dark Club in Houston in a New Year's Eve show, I stage dove, Rocky George from Suicidal made a guest appearance)
LA Guns, AC/DC (Can't remember much of this one, seems like Sepultura may have played, too. Was at the Starplex)
Bad English, Whitesnake (Reunion Arena, featured Steve Vai and Adrian Vandenberg as dual guitarists for Whitesnake)
Faith No More, Guns N Roses, Metallica (Texas Stadium)
Winger, The Scorpions (Starplex - very special show)
Coal Chamber, Danzig (at a club in Deep Ellum - with Skippy, turned us on to Coal Chamber, Danzig was awesome)
Suicidal Tendencies, Queensryche (saw with Militant and the magician, turned me on to Suicidal AND got to see Mindcrime in entirety as a show within the show)
Coal Chamber, Sevendust (Powerman 5000 was headliner and we disliked them so much we left just after they started, saw with Skippy)
Coal Chamber, Megadeth (at the Bronco Bowl, great showm saw with Skippy)
Robert Plant, Alannah Miles (saw with Militant, did cover of my fave Zep song, Nobody's Fault But Mine)
Quicksand?, White Zombie, Anthrax (saw with Skippy and Militant, Al Jourgenson of Ministry waved to me when I yelled at him after the show - he was a guest of the band and was walking across the stage)
Motorhead, Dio, Iron Maiden (with Skippy, Awesome show, especially Dio and Maiden - rode in Chevy SST before they were publicly available)
Queensryche, Judas Priest (saw with Militant & Skippy, the reunion tour with Rob Halford)

Metallica, Avenged Sevenfold and Volbeat (turned me on to Volbeat)
Iron Maiden, Ghost (This thing called Ghost - awesome!)

Scorpions & Ratt (T-Bucket's first concert) Grand Prairie
Queensryche at Grand Prairie
Iron Maiden and Coheed and Cambria (Dallas Starplex)
Iron Maiden and Megadeth, Austin at the racetrack
Sum41 at Houston House of Blues with T-Bucket
Third Eye Blind, Bad Bad Hats, Oklahoma City Criterion
Third Eye Blind, Dallas Starplex
Deep Purple, Alice Cooper at Starplex


DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, JJ Fadd, Public Enemy, Run DMC (with Javiez lol)
Dottie West or Tammy Wynette- I'm hazy on this, could have been another early 70s country star, but she played a small high school in my area that my family went to see when I was a kid)
Jerry Reed (at Billy Bob's when my grandma and aunt visited Texas, whole family went, I remember it not being a great place to see the concert)
Dwight Yoakum (with the Queen, at Starplex, couldn't understand any of the talking, but songs were OK)
Trisha Yearwood, Garth Brooks (with the Queen - one of his last big arena tours, big multi-night gig)
Deryl Dodd (at several venues in Texas, with the Queen)
Mark Chestnut, Tracy Lawrence, George Strait (A New Year's Eve show in Dallas with the Queen)
Bruce Robison (At a special acoustic concert opening for Guy Clark, with the Queen, blew me away and I saw him solo at Austin's Broken Spoke later)
Bruce Robison & Kelly Willis more times than I can remember now
Bruce Robison, Charlie Robison & Jack Ingram - Dallas Hard Rock, Unleashed Reunion
Charlie Robison multiple times, first in Lampasas, also Belton
Max Stalling multiple times, Belton twice, Lampasas, The Colony, Waco fair
Slaid Cleaves multiple times - Saxon Pub, Waxahachie theatre, Washington, DC, Tomball, Belton
Chris Knight multiple times - Belton, Waco Hippodrome, Belton intimate show, Waco Lakeside
Warren Hood, multiple times, opening for Bruce/Kelly, at Waco
Courtney Patton, Belton multiple times, our backyard, New Braunfels area, Waxhachie with and without Jason Eady

Junior Brown (multiple times, once at Gypsy Tea Room in Dallas, second time at Southern Junction and said hi to him near the merch table, and again at a Deep Ellum Club) also at Waco
Johnny Gimble and Hank Thompson in Waco at MCC, one of Hank's last shows