Tuesday, October 16, 2007

In the vicinity of death experiences

So a news story caught my attention today because it mentioned a deadly occurrence on a desert highway in California. Such distant troubles usually don't muster my attention, but the mention of a specific location -- Antelope Valley -- caused a double take that had me hitting rewind on the DVR.

Sure enough, a sandstorm caused a series of accidents on a highway near Lancaster, Calif., killing two people and injuring scores. Different way to die, yes, but not why I was interested. Actually, I had driven that stretch of road just a few months ago.

I was on my way to Edwards Air Force Base to see a special airplane. I made the trip at least twice during my visit and marveled at the hot, dry Mojave as I cruised comfortably in my rental car. At that time, a fire raged on a far mountain that had been on the local news. It was known as the "white fire" because of it's smoke but it was the bastard fire even at the time because a series of wildfires in Palm Springs were getting national attention. I took a picture nonetheless, from the same highway where the crash today occurred, only I was not caught in a sandstorm that limited visibility to the point of zero.

There's a relevance in life that revolves around the experiential. I'm sure there's an actual psychological term for it -- I'm just not a pyschologist. But what I mean is the awareness we have of places we've been and things we've done. For example, when you buy a new car, you suddenly see a lot more cars like that on the road. It's not that they weren't there - but you didn't pay attention to them until you had experienced one. Same for places. If you read USA Today, you might notice the state-by-state index of brief stories, usually one from each state. I find myself only reading about the states I've lived in, and then if I'm traveling, the state I happen to be in.

So it's all relevant I suppose. My father, who drove trucks all around the lower 48 and parts of Canada, taught me a lesson about the relevance of matters in the news. When the national news was full of headlines about a major calamity in a far-away state, be it wildfires, flooding, blizzard, the reality of it was usually much more localized than the news coverage would have you believe. I might mention seeing that California was having outrageous wildfires and he'd describe how they were really fairly remote from most of the population and while it was destroying hundreds of thousands of acres, what the news failed to mention was that there wasn't much on those acres to speak of.

I later experienced some of that myself as I'd notice how reports of snowfall in Texas would get overblown on the national news or a flood in one area might make life difficult for part of a city, but the rest of town carried on like nothing ever happened.

So when I heard about the California accident, I thought, wow, that's kinda weird. I've been on that highway, in that location, and can only imagine how it must have been to not be able to see in front of you.

But even weirder, a story about today's event mentioned another crash just a few weeks ago where a major pileup occurred in a tunnel. This story mentioned how the previous crash was southwest of where this one occurred and wasn't that far.

I remembered hearing and seeing that story, which was about a tunnel specifically for truck traffic had a major pileup that claimed several lives. I had heard it was on the major artery between LA and San Francisco and then thought that must have been north of where I'd been. Or so I thought.

Today's story made me go back and look. The other accident actually occurred near an intersection of highways that was on my route back to the airport in Burbank. Spooky got spookier.

Made me stop for a minute and think how privileged we are to wander this Earth haphazardly at times and escape unharmed. We take that for granted so often.

My best friend had a near-death experience last year. I remember his attitude shortly after that - it was almost a carpe diem. He decided to go out and buy the truck he'd been wanting because, well, he never knew what might happen to him tomorrow. Reminded me further of a sermon I heard in high school from my favorite pastor who explained that the Epicurian motto of "Eat, Drink and Be Merry" was rooted in the Bible verse that also ended with "For Tomorrow You Shall Die."

I, too, bought a truck recently. But it didn't have anything to do with these accidents, my trip to California, or any other sense of doom. I did think of my friend when I finally succombed to the new car fever that had lingered for months. But perhaps I just had my experiences out of order. Not quite a near-death experience. More a vicinity-of-death experience.

Lately, I've had some very challenging things make life tough. But I've had just as many very precious experiences with my children in between the stresses of life. That's what it's about I suppose. To bury those little things that happen in the course of a day within my memory will someday return in a flash of relevance.

That, I conclude, is what this is really all about: the little inconsequential joys of life that, when you die, will have made it all worth it.

Friday, June 22, 2007

The Boy in the Bubble Had it Made

I ran across this on the Internet. He puts into words many of my own thoughts about parenting that I wanted to share.



Bursting the cocoon

Despite our most basic parental instincts, we can't shelter children forever, says E. KYLE STEINHAUSER


12:00 AM CDT on Friday, June 22, 2007

The flat-screen television hanging on the wall illuminated the small room. The room was dark, save the faint black-and-white images. I held my wife's hand in mine and gripped my 3-year-old daughter as she sat on my lap. Staring back from the television at us was the newest member of our family – a boy or girl set to arrive in less than three months.

As I sat in the doctor's office contemplating the 3D image of my unborn child, my thoughts turned to Joseph Bosch. Twenty-two years ago he and his wife, Lynn, must have been excited anticipating the birth of their daughter, Meaghan. I thought of Greg Smith, who 19 years ago with his wife, Missey, welcomed the news they were expecting a baby girl, Kelsey.

Nothing prepares you for the amazement of making "eye contact" with your child in the womb. The bliss of the present was balanced by the terror of the future. As I stared at my unborn baby, I kept thinking of the photos of Meaghan Bosch and Kelsey Smith that seemed omnipresent in the newspaper and on the Internet. Who could imagine the ultimate fates of Meaghan and of Kelsey when those innocent, candid photographs were taken?

Meaghan, an SMU student whose life lacked no material need or want, was found dead in Waco after a drug overdose. Kelsey was taken from an Overland Park, Kan., Target and found dead several days later in a nearby suburb. The morose endings to these young lives illustrate the way parents suffer not only their own risks in life, but also the risks that confront their children.

On occasion I find myself virtually paralyzed with fear that one of my children, despite all of my provisions or precautions, will find the wrong path or become the victim on a heinous crime. Add to that the myriad lives taken too early by disease or automobile accident, and parenthood seems almost unbearable.

My genetic code is stitched with a legacy of high-strung worrywarts. I do my best to remember that at the end of the day there is nothing really we can do but strive to be great parents and to trust our children to be responsible and to be careful. Children grow into adults and must populate an adult world, which is full of poor decisions and terrible twists of fate. No amount of material prosperity or parental supervision can provide an impermeable cocoon.

I am no expert, but I have learned a few things watching others rear their children. First, give your children your time and then your money. How hackneyed, but how ignored. Life gets its meaning from relationships – with God and with one another – not from riches. Too many parents still define success based on loot, not on love. Cherish each moment with your child as if it is your last.

Second, gently loosen the reins. Overprotective parents can damage children almost as much as uncaring ones. In college, the wildest kids were those with the strictest parents. My fears aside, I must let my daughter go on a date – and possibly to prom. We live in a fallen world, and as such terrible things happen to us and our loved ones, no matter how hard we fight.

Finally, parents are not friends. As tempting – and pointless – as it may be to be the "cool" parent, kids have plenty of friends, but only two parents. They need parents. Sometimes that means being "uncool," like telling a teenage daughter that her bikini is too itsy-bitsy or her skirt is too short. Teenagers must be reminded that they have fewer "rights" than they imagine.

I can only image the pain felt by Mr. Bosch and Mr. Smith last Sunday on Father's Day. Nothing in the world prepares one for losing a child. Nothing prepares a father for losing his little girl.

My wife recently convinced me that between work and school, I spend too little time with my little girl. No longer. I want to enjoy every second holding her before she is too big or I am too uncool – because she always will be my little girl.


E. Kyle Steinhauser of Frisco is a technology marketing manager at a publishing company and a Voices of Collin County volunteer columnist. His e-mail address is ekyles@gmail.com.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Late additions on good news, too

Bruce Robison released an EP titled "It Came From San Antonio"

"Somewhere..." readers know that Bruce is atop the heap of my CD player these past several years and so the emergence of new work is always reason for cheer.

This one didn't disappoint, other than it's EP status, which of course means it is only about 2/3 to half of a regular album in length. Observations on this new work, song by song:

"It Came from San Antonio" -- a groovy little tune intended to harken the psuedo-British invasion (think The Monkees). While it has a catchy hook and is a little change of pace for Bruce, I wouldn't have made it the title track. I'm not keen on the organ or the ambient juke joint sound. It's an odd take on an odder niche and the "everyone join in on the chorus" feel doesn't suit Bruce's vocals. But it's certainly a decent song and worth the listen. Just not my top choice.

"When It Rains" -- my favorite song on the EP lyrically. Nice wanderlust song with great tinge of heartbreak. Love the simplicity of the arrangement, acoustic intro and wonderful strings, especially as they first come in on the song. Bruce has a way of storytelling when he's really on that makes me want to sing along. Great example of why I call Bruce the Master of Melancholy.

"Lifeline" -- what "When It Rains" does lyrically, "Lifeline" does musically. Probably the best overall song on the album and just fantastic hook. The kind that you find yourself humming or singing to yourself later in the day. Some nice Dobro work, I believe on this one.

"My Baby Now" -- another change of pace for Bruce in some regards; this seems a song that some piano-playing crooner will be singing soon. Not a bad song, but the pace and wistfulness slow the disc down. I see this being sung by Keith Urban to a sold our arena, not exactly Bruce.

"Anywhere But Here" -- picks pace up a little bit, especially right after "My Baby" but this one isn't an immediate grabber like some of his similar songs from previous works ("Tonight" from "Country Sunshine" for example). Bruce does everything well - this just doesn't stand out as significantly different nor does it have a major hook. Interesting that the last 2 minutes of this 5 minute song are all instrumental resulting in a musical fade that has nice musicianship, but drag on a little.

"What Makes You Say" -- Nice harmony on a song about marital dischord. Just a slow pace that makes it difficult to stay with it, at least when doing something like driving. Acoustic guitar and fiddle keep this one on the good list, too. The deliberate pacing on this requires a specific atmosphere for listening.

"23A" -- Interesting song about a song by a great songwriter. Nice feel, but not a pop-song. This is another one that doesn't fit a particular niche and that seems to be what Bruce, and at least this EP, are up to these days. It's a nice song.

CONCLUSION: Having had many weeks to listen over and over, my conclusion is that this is an EP because it's a collection of bits and pieces he had laying around the studio. It's not my favorite CD of his, but like so much of his work, particular songs grow on me and may someday be in heavy rotation on my future second iPod. It's certainly worth the price even if one only listens to their 2 or 3 or 4 favorites. Looking forward to hearing several of these live in August.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Catch up time

Some assorted comments about recent and not-as-recent events:

Last episode of Sopranos. Went out fairly tame for such a usually edgy show. Tony found the Americana that he was always chasing. And Paulie, my favorite character, got spooked by a cat. I loved that little touch, probably because I don't like cats any more than he does.

World's full of assholes, part 1: Some asshole stole my iPod out of my car. And to answer the question that apparently everyone who hears that news asks, no, the car wasn't locked. But it was in my driveway, on my property. Props to my new second-house down the street neighbor who noted aptly, as I usually do when I'm answering that question, that having a locked car would probably mean I'd be paying for a window or lock, too. As Paulie Walnuts would say on the Sopranos about the iPod thief...cocksucka!

World's full of assholes, part 2: So it wasn't enough they stole my iPod and who knows what else from others, we had more crime in my neighborhood. At least 1/3 or more of the 125 homes in my subdivision have small stone statues on top of their mailboxes. Our mailboxes are mostly large brick structures that envelope the mailbox and there's an unspoken tradition of people putting animal statues on top of their mailboxes. We had a lion to represent my college alma mater and my wife's high school. So a week after the iPod incident, my wife notices one morning that someone swiped all but one or two of these things from the entire neighborhood. Now I make midnight checks with the lights off of what's happening on our street. Let me catch some prick stealing from my home.

That's enough cheer for one post. Maybe next time, there will be happier thoughts.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Lest we forget

It's been a long time since something has hacked me off to the point that I felt compelled to blog about it. That time has arrived.

First, the story:
Soldier: Honor troops like Va. Tech dead
By ALISA TANG
Associated Press Writer
Mon Apr 23

KABUL, Afghanistan - An Army sergeant complained in a rare opinion article that the U.S. flag flew at half-staff last week at the largest U.S. base in Afghanistan for those killed at Virginia Tech but the same honor is not given to fallen U.S. troops here and in Iraq.

In the article issued Monday by the public affairs office at Bagram military base north of Kabul, Sgt. Jim Wilt lamented that his comrades' deaths have become a mere blip on the TV screen, lacking the "shock factor" to be honored by the Stars and Stripes as the deaths at Virginia Tech were.

"I find it ironic that the flags were flown at half-staff for the young men and women who were killed at VT, yet it is never lowered for the death of a U.S. service member," Wilt wrote.

He noted that Bagram obeyed President Bush's order last week that all U.S. flags at federal locations be flown at half-staff through April 22 to honor 32 people killed at Virginia Tech by a 23-year-old student gunman who then killed himself.

"I think it is sad that we do not raise the bases' flag to half-staff when a member of our own task force dies," Wilt said.

According to the Defense Department, 315 U.S. service members have died in and around Afghanistan since the U.S.-led offensive that toppled the Taliban regime in late 2001, 198 of them in combat.

NATO's International Security Assistance Force said that the flags of all its troop-contributing nations are flown at half-staff for about 72 hours after the service member's death "as a mark of respect when there is an ISAF fatality."

Sgt. 1st Class Dean Welch, who works with Wilt at the U.S.-led coalition public affairs office, said the essay is a "soldier's commentary, not the view of the coalition and not the view of the U.S. forces."

Welch added that such outspoken opinion pieces are rare.

Wilt suggested that flags should fly at half-staff on the base where the fallen service member was working and in the states where they hail from. He said some states do this, but not all of them.

He wrote that the death of a U.S. service member is just as violent as those at the university last week, but it lacks the "shock factor of the Virginia massacre."

"It is a daily occurrence these days to see X number of U.S. troops killed in Iraq or Afghanistan scrolling across the ticker at the bottom of the TV screen. People have come to expect casualty counts in the nightly news; they don't expect to see 32 students killed," he wrote.

"If the flags on our (operating bases) were lowered for just one day after the death of a service member, it would show the people who knew the person that society cared, the American people care."


This has nothing to do with your view of the war as just or unjust. This soldier simply doesn't know his civics from a Japanese car.

The United States DOES honor its war dead by lowering the flags for its fallen soldiers. That's what MEMORIAL DAY is all about. That is an annual holiday specifically intended for that purpose. Otherwise, during war times like now, we'd never see the flag at full-staff. Some may argue for that, but that's a whole other argument than claiming we don't honor our fallen. Imagine turning it around and having someone suggest that this year on Memorial Day, we include a special minute at every ceremony to remember the VTech victims. No, I don't think so.

I had this very conversation at work last week when our employer sent out an email that this was happening to honor the Virginia Tech victims. Someone made the same observation about not honoring our war dead and grumbled that it seemed wrong.

What's wrong is our reactive and uneducated masses crying "foul" when they don't even realize we DO lower our flags for our war dead - just on a specific weekend every year. There are ceremonies all over the nation. These remember those killed in all our battles, even the ones that aren't as divisive as this one.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Serendipity happens

Sometimes things just happen. Or maybe God intervenes in the universe to finally give you a little dewdrop of joy to help you remember why it is you want to be good and go to heaven. Whatever the cause - the result is good.

In my case, it happened months ago. (So I'm a little lax on the blogging. Sue me.) As avid readers might know (both of you), I am a fan of "This American Life," a public radio show out of WBEZ in Chicago that is just under an hour-long radio program featuring an amalgam of radio feature stories that usually have a common theme. I like it so much I shill for it on my links section on the right side of this blog - the link reads "Now hear this." Check it out.

I discovered TAL when I had XM radio. It played every day, often re-runs from the show's deep catalog that goes back to 1995. I went looking for it on the internet once I got an iPod wondering how I might get my hands on old episodes without having to catch them every day at 5 p.m. on XM because it never failed I got in late. Turned out that TAL had a deal with an online book-content broker-type company called audible.com where all its online content was located for purchase. While it was bad enough Audible.com wanted me to subscribe to download TAL in mp3 format, the worse part was I could not figure out the basics of Audible.com's pricing or delivery method.

So I said screw it, I'll have to settle for streaming their old shows from the TAL website directly, which I couldn't capture because I'm, well, usually honest and even more lazy than I am honest to use some kind of software to capture what was designed not to be captured.

Then, one day, the day I describe in my first paragraph above, I went to check on the TAL website just to see what might be posted recently. And then I found an interesting link. It reads "New podcast" and I do a double-take. Did I just read that correctly? What do they mean 'free?'

Sure enough - free podcast. They worked out a deal with Audible.com, I'd learn, to give that week's episode away free in podcast form (excuse the non-sequiter: Milhouse: "It's Alf, but in POG form!!!") Then, they archive to Audible.com and can be bought there or via iTunes for 95 cents.

That was a woo-hoo moment. But more odd, was that I happened upon this on the very first day they were available. I had not been to this site in months, and the day I drop by to browse, they're offering the podcast for free.

Fast forward to today - when I'm listening to this week's podcast in my car. There's a nice story about a man who tried to invent a time machine so he could go back and warn his dead father not to smoke so many cigarettes and take better care of himself so that he wouldn't die young. The man became a highly placed scientist and the story's poignancy came from an Einstein contemporary telling this man that his father would be proud of him for what he had done throughout his life to try to develop a time machine. It was a touching story.

And while I tend to reference my own deceased father on this blog rather frequently, that's not why the story spurred me to finally get to peckin' away on the keyboard tonight. Instead, it was my admiration of the story that really gave me some clarity on my own existence.

What is it that I really want to be and do in my seemingly fleeting life? I was trained as a journalist and abandoned the purity and filth of that life for the pay and filth of a corporate job. Did I sell out? Did I give up my dream? Have I accomplished anything?

That show, and the thoughts it provoked, suggest that I did not sell out. I did not give up my dream. Do I have days when I wish I was out chasing stories as the Texas Country Reporter, a freelance feature writer, or even a This American Life reporter? Sure. But I am content in the fact that I know that I have done something meaningful in my professional life.

One of my greatest works of writing was a newspaper column about a personal friend who died. It won me a national award among all newspapers owned by that publishing company. I later won awards on the corporate side for developing and implementing communications campaigns to motivate employees to meet or exceed particular goals. I did my own self-assessment today about the last year and after intially wondering how I'd justify a middle-of-the-road rating, realized that I had exceeded several of my goals more than I had initially thought. Honestly, I hadn't even looked at my goals since last spring and was worried I'd been so off track that even though I busted my ass all year, I wouldn't be able to show any accomplishment in the areas where I was measured. But, it turned out, I wasn't too far off the path.

So, if as they say, even a blind hog finds an acorn once in a while, I'm thankful for the serendipity.